Tuesday, November 15, 2005

憂鬱


憂鬱,自由的倒影,一種下陷。

當失落了對象,同時失落了主體,便產生一種奇妙的自由感覺,因為沒有了掛搭,卻又未至於虛無,一種陷落,彷彿雙腳登空,在未碰到下陷的底層,心拋了一拋,但你知道不致於死。

不是你死,只是欲望對象的消失,可能那個對象甚至叫做你的媽。當你確定你所愛的,或你所依賴的不再回來,你便自由了,你很痛苦,但你自由了。制約你的一切構成你的欠缺,自由產生其中。

所謂確定那消失,正如前面一再論述,是把消失置入那受制約的存在,把死亡放入生命當中,活著死亡。需要的話,在特定的時間,讓它填滿生命的每個空間,又有何不可?

然而,當那對象被排除在外,化為被製造出來的「欠缺」,傷感便有了外在的重量,壓著你的器官,憂鬱出現。

淡淡哀愁有時很美,這種美甚至造成幾許沉溺。但真正的憂鬱,它會叫你知道甚麼是生不如死。

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At 12:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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